Secondhand Setlists

Grammy-award winner Charli XCX – a statement that anyone in the industry could appreciate and yet was always hard to imagine. Last night, she made that statement true, picking up three awards for the year-defining brat. In honor of her status as a nominee across the big categories, the academy gave her the closing act of the evening. What a place to be, and what a chance to make a big statement during a relatively news-indifferent evening sans a few nods towards politics and the industry, and of course the lingering embers of the Eaton and Palisades fires. Perhaps in line with the telethon-feel of the night, folks seemed eager to avoid anything incendiary or divisive, which left a huge opening for provocation. Who better than Charli XCX, who forcibly invited the world to a party that’s lasted since June. The final performance slot on the night of the 67th Grammy Awards presented the chance to put a punctuated, splattered period on it for the books.

So few albums today see their contents disperse in the way brat did, where it felt as though a different song would be taken to by the public each day. I recall my roommate saying that upon finally listening to brat months after its release: “I knew most of the songs already just from social media and going out.” TikToks and Instastories weren’t getting soundtracked by deep cuts from Djesse Vol. 4, New Blue Sun, not even Cowboy Carter, especially not as we drifted further from their release dates. Charli XCX was getting on SNL, Obama’s playlists, and christening new stars off the strength of this album. Without a doubt the remix album breathed new life and appreciation into each song, too. She had so many options to choose from for a medley, and a well of cultural references to pull from, which is why this performance, nearly 20 years in the making, felt underwhelming.

Pitchfork called her “the evening’s standout performance,” not exactly the description that comes to my mind. “Unpolished,” “spunky,” “lazy,” “fun” feel more appropriate. While the free-for-all of the show hinted at the sleaze brat promises, the haphazardness of the staging and the non-gelling of the songs left this highly anticipated performance wanting more. In general, there needs to be some form of visible effort put into a performance at this level, even if you do it irreverently. Freestyle dancing like an extra in a music video simply does not cut it – the VMAs these are not! We needed real sleaze, real *music* cameos, and something akin to stakes here. I suppose it’s bratty not to care, but then again, you did care enough to show up to the show. Billie really couldn’t be bothered to do your single with you? She could’ve walked up from her table – you could have kissed!

This is all not to say that she flunked the assignment at hand. I appreciated the “360” throwbacks with Gabriette, Julia Fox, and Alex Consani. Consani flanking one of the world’s biggest popstars on music’s biggest night as the world’s biggest douchebags try to stamp trans people out of existence resonated powerfully and served as a testament to Charli’s longtime allyship with the trans community. I also have really come around to “Von Dutch” – I like anything that sounds like “Got Paid.” Ultimately, however, the performance failed to match the excitement or daring that the brat era evoked.

For Charlotte to give a truly audacious late-show medley would have served her well no matter what evening she was having. If she’d been having the “Not Like Us” treatment that evening, this would have been a great moment to force the Grammys to reckon with the messy hedonism that brat espoused and what its dominance said about the Academy. Obviously, Charli lost in the televised categories. Seeing her shut out of all her big awards that evening made the off-screen wins feel somewhat less monumental, a shame considering they were much deserved. Those conditions in mind, a climactic, late-show display of debauchery would resonate like a big, wet middle finger to the Academy, which deserves it! Either way, a better show would have let the brat era go out with a bang, rather than the beginning of the comedown that the rest of the evening also felt like.

Because I have a runaway imagination, I staged out a theoretical Charli XCX Grammy performance. Incorporating more of that Grammy-award winning marketing, guest features, and the anti-heroine themes of the album, this performance would have inspired think pieces, Fox News’ ire, and the entertainment industry to face what is has wrought. Real-life physical, financial, and in the case of the third act, copyright, logistics concerns never play a huge part because I don’t think it’s much to expect some spectacle. I believe that even if just one of these things below happened it would have felt like a truly provocative pop performance that she and her legacy deserves. I already know what Charli XCX can do with just a little – show me what you can do with a lot!

Sections are color-coated to match with songs, and in the case of “365” a key change.

• The stage illuminates, camera pans down towards the center
• Charli (C) emerges from the center stage, holding her microphone. She’s wearing her 2019 wig and a green outfit that is more or less this look but with black leather boots. Combined with the sunglasses, it’s a bit Wintourian.
• C says, stoically: “This one’s for you, President Obama.” a move sure to draw laughs and hopefully piss off Trump. “365” begins to play. The theaters screens light up behind her. The stationary for Barack Obama’s Summer Playlist slowly fades into the display, with 365 by Charli XCX highlighted in its center in bold, rippling font.
• C begins doing a simple and repetitive choreography that repeats every 16 counts, in line with the song’s own repetitive structure; some of the lyrics are changed to reflect those present and the situation: “When I’m at the Grammys, yeah I’m bumping that.” The screen behind her still are just depicting Obama’s playlist.
• From the center behind C, Alex Consani and Gabriette emerge, in the same wig as C, to join C in choreography. Another 16 count later, they are joined by Rachel Sennott and Julia Fox, also both wigged. Flanked by the It Girls, C leads a V formation. Subtle changes to the choreography happen throughout like it’s the XX’s “Islands” video; the choreography is sharp yet understated, hair flips and shoulder roles, easy enough to remember and sassy enough to want to emulate.
• Upon saying the line “just do it on repeat, keep” the song immediately shifts into its minor section, and the lyrics also jump to “push my hair back look hot.” On that line, C rips off her wig to reveal her trademark mane beneath it; the It Girls also all have revealed their own Charli hair as well. Strobes flash as she pulls off her green number to display a gray crop top and mini grey denim shorts. The sunglasses stay on.
• The IT girls sway and sashay towards C as she sings. They surround her in a mass similar to the dancers in “Big Spender” in Sweet Charity, more or less writhing, hair flipping, and body rolling while framing C from her left and right sides.
• On the line “don’t eat” the group begins to saunter in-sync, in a chic way, every two-counts towards stage right. C deadpans the lyrics to the audience as the IT girls look vaguely ahead.
• For the lyric “shall we have a little line” C reaches into her pocket to produce a white powder, which on “line” she throws underhanded towards stage left. The It girls’ faces turn sharply towards stage left and the chalk/dust cloud, all as they still saunter left every two-counts as if in a trance.
• C throws out one last cloud on the held out “residuuuuuue” lyric and turns her back on the mess as the It Girls watch the cloud hang and dissipate in the air.
• After a four count, C snaps back forward and “Girl, So Confusing” begins. She walks towards a camera.
• Reaching out and *grabbing* the camera, C looks into it while singing the lyrics. The IT girls flow in and out of frame as they follow her, also mouthing the lyrics. This view is also displayed on the screens behind C and the girls.
• On “falling over and failing” she *tosses* the camera to the ground. From a grounded view, the camera sees C drop to her knees in a smooth, sophisticated manner, while still singing. She leans in close to the camera and says “I think I know how you feel.”
• On the first “Girl” of the chorus, C’s face snaps up to look at a camera directly in front of her. She slowly raises herself up. The It girls are also slowly rising up off the floor. The screens behind them strobe in white and grey colors.
• The horde of people that appeared in the actual telecast flood the stage, dancing while pushing C and the It girls around. The atmosphere onstage is confused.
• As the first chorus comes to a close, the crowd disperses to reveal 5 figures with dark, wavy hair appear towards the back of the stage behind Charli and the It girls.
• Once illuminated, the middle figure of the five is revealed to be Troye Sivan (T) in Lorde drag; at T’s sides in Charli wigs are Shygirl, Arca, Miss Ma’amShe, and Addison Rae – they are the Goth Girls. T sings Lorde’s verse live flanked by C, It Girls, and Goth Girls, all of them facing the camera. With the camera focused on the posse, production places 10 chairs in the center on an incline.
• For “you look like a bitch” T, C, It Girls and Goth Girls all strut towards the back of the stage as the camera faces them from downstage. The image of their strut is played back on the theater’s screens as well.
• C, T, the It Girls, and Goth Girls all walk back up an incline to the 10 chairs. The chairs are paired in twos and are arranged in a zipper formation, which inclines upward as it goes back. C and T sit at the first two chairs while each IT girl pairs up with a Goth Girl.
• During the second prechorus, C and T/It girls and Goth Girls perform chair choreography where each pair mirrors the other. For the choreo, think a la “Video Phone” / “One of Your Girls.”
• T sings “Cause I’d ride for you, Charli” and C and all faces immediately turn to face T as the music stops in a flash of red light and what sounds like a gunshot.
• As the red light fades, the lighting and the screens illuminate as lime green and a single phrase appears in the center: “luigi is brat”
• After letting that phrase percolate a sec, “Spring Breakers” begins. On the screens appear renditions of video game mascot Luigi dressed as James Franco dressed as Riff Raff (BEFORE YOU ASK, “WHY WOULD NINTENDO LET CHARLI XCX USE THEIR CHARACTERS?” PLEASE CONSIDER THIS). Each Luigi holds a glock in their right hand as they do the Macarena in-time with the beat. They are all on a lime green backdrop.
• Without taking her gaze off T, C reaches for the underside of her chair and pulls forth a green paperboy cap with the letter ‘L’ on the front and puts it on her head. C leers at T with malicious glee while singing the chorus. Goth Girls also adopt a more threatening aura and direct their gazes on the It Girls.
• Green Nintendo-esque pipes pop up from trap door, rising three feet to engulf T and the It girls, trapping them up to their navels. T and It Girls sink into the pipes up to their shoulders so their heads are about 4 feet above the ground.
• C and Goth Girls saunter around the rim of each pipe while looking down on T and It Girls, occasionally teasing them with hair tugging, pantomimed slaps, strokes on the cheek, and more leering.
• Once the first verse begins, the Luigis fade and the screen stays brat green while flashing the lyrics in blurry fonts.
• “February 10th” lyric is changed to “February 2nd.”
• After the line “Yеah, I’m parked outside watching all the girls strut” the lyrics skip straight ahead to the second verse with “On the flip side…“
• By the time we get to “On the flip side” C and Goth Girls now stand behind the pipes facing the audience, T and It Girls trapped facing forward. C and Goth Girls grow more calm, almost loving, as they toy with T and the It girls, simply cradling faces or whimsically tracing the pipe rims.
• On the line “And I’d do my speech … something just like” C reaches behind her pipe and grabs ahold of a chrome green champagne bottle and holds it dramatically over T’s head. She pours green liquid all over T as he’s trapped in the pipe. Goth Girls gather around her while the IT girls look on in horror from where they are trapped.
• When the bottle empties, C holds it by the neck and slams it against the side of the pipe. C hikes up one boot on the side of the pipe, leans in close to T’s face and sings the last chorus. On the first syllable of the final “Break-ers” she pantomimes slitting T’s neck. The music cuts as red liquid gushes up from the front of the pipe. C stands with her mic in one hand and the champagne stem raise in the other, her boot still perched triumphantly atop the pipe. She did it, she killed the teen dream.

Deal with it!